


Advice through Arkham

by Wundersmidget



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23957230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wundersmidget/pseuds/Wundersmidget
Summary: When it comes to two of the older vigilantes in Gotham dating, well let just say that some of the villains have some advice for them...
Relationships: Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65
Collections: The Very Best of DickBabs





	Advice through Arkham

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Arkham Dating Tips](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19944607) by [Headfulloffantasies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Headfulloffantasies/pseuds/Headfulloffantasies). 



1\. Harley Quinn

The Batmobile was home to many of the weirder moments in Gotham, of course, not many of those stacked up to what Barbara Gordon and Dick Grayson, known as Nightwing and Batgirl to the public experienced every time they had to transport a criminal back to Arkham.

It had begun with Harley Quinn, a standard transport. Of course, it happened that Batgirl had been injured and Nightwing had been fawning over her the entire drive.

Eventually Batgirl got so sick and tired of it that she snapped.

“Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean that you have to treat me like I got hit by a steam train!”

As Nightwing sheepishly backed off they heard a voice pipe up from the back.

“So youse are dating now are ya?” Harley said with glee filling her voice.

The two vigilantes in the front shared a panicked look, all Harley needed to come to her conclusion. They really shouldn’t forget that she had been a psychiatrist before falling to insanity.

“Just take my advice, as soon as the Bat finds out, run for the hills and elope or somethin! Make it crazy and over the top! That's how I’d do it.”

Batgirl’s cheeks flamed up while Nightwing swerved for a second before regaining control.

“We’ll consider it.” Batgirl got out before turning to face the road ahead

Neither vigilante said a word all the way back to Arkham.

2\. Poison Ivy

They really shouldn’t have been surprised when Jason came to them asking why the underworld was aflame with talk about the two’s love life. 

So the pair were at least somewhat prepared when they had to transport Poison Ivy to the Asylum a few weeks after the news initially leaked.

They had been without trouble for a few minutes before the supervillain spoke up from the backseat.

“I hope that you are fully in control of your partner dear.” she said as she looked at Batgirl.

Nightwing went scarlet as Batgirl seemed at a loss for words for a good few seconds.

“It would be such a shame if such a phenomenon was to be put to waste after all.” She stated.

At this point Nightwing made a very determined effort to stare ahead of him, not daring to look at the Champion of the Green next to him as Barbara blinked owlishly before pressing a button they had made Bruce install after the Harley incident.

Slowly a soundproof window rolled up between the front and back seats.

Ivy smirked from where she was sitting behind the glass. It was all too fun to embarrass those two.

3\. Catwoman

Unlike most villains that the Bat’s faced, Catwoman wasn’t insane, so instead of the normal drive to Arkham, the Batmobile travelled the much longer route to Blackgate penitentiary.

Of course, this was Catwoman, the woman who had ensnared the Bat and she wasn’t going to let her Kitten and his girlfriend off so easily.

“I hope that you two are using protection.”

This time Nightwing properly swerved, narrowly avoiding a collision with another car as he regained control.

Desperately trying to ignore the Cat, both vigilantes decided to just stare straight ahead, trying not to let on just how embarrassing this was.

“What would I say to DaddyBats if Barbara got pregnant and I hadn’t dained to check?”

Nightwing didn’t know what was worse, his sudo-stepmother giving him and his girlfriend the talk, or her talking with Batman about Dick and Barbara’s sex life.

Eventually Barbara murmured something.

“What was that dear? You might need to speak up.” Selina said.

“I said, don’t worry about it.” Barbara grit out.

The rest of the car ride was silent, both vigilante deep shades of red while Catwoman smiled to herself in the back.

As she was about to be processed, Catwoman whispered something in Dick’s ear, making him go even redder than before.

“What did she say?” Barbara asked.

“I’d rather not say.” Dick responded, the Batmobile suddenly feeling a lot warmer than it should during a Gotham winter.

  
  


4\. Riddler

“Riddle me this: I can't be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance. I'm worthless to one, but priceless to two. What am I?”

Both Vigilantes ignored him, they both knew what he was doing, and it was not going to work.

“Fine. I hurt the most when lost, yet also when not had at all. I'm sometimes the hardest to express, but the easiest to ignore. I can be given to many, or just one. What am I?”

At this the gears in Nightwings brain started to turn, that riddle seemed to be aimed at him, but how would Riddler know of it.

Catwoman. She probably got him to do this. That explained a lot.

Advice aside, Nightwing stayed silent, Batgirl did as well, ignoring both the criminal in the back seat and her boyfriend.

Once Riddler had been dropped off and the guards had taken custody from the duo, Dick turned to Barbara, tapped her on the shoulder and when she turned to face him, he gave her a quick peck on the lips.

As the significantly happier couple drove off, Dick swore he saw Riddler give him the thumbs up.

5\. Deathstroke

“So when’s the wedding?” Deathstroke said.

Nightwing groaned from where he had been anxiously sitting in the Batmobile. It didn’t help that he was alone. Barbara had left the Batgirl mantle due to her paralysis and he hadn’t really gotten a new partner yet.

He should have seen this coming, aside from underworld chatter, Slade knew Dick, he would have easily worked out what was going on.

“We haven’t decided on a date yet.” He answered shortly, Barbara laughing through the comms.

“I look forward to getting my invite.” Slade said.

“You know what, if you stay where you are and behave we’ll consider it.”

Slade grunted.

“Fine, don’t expect a good wedding gift then.”

After a few minutes of silence, Slade spoke up.

“Treat her well.”

After a moment, Nightwing responded.

“I intend to.”

“Good.”

The rest of the trip was silent, something that Nightwing was incredibly grateful for.

After handing the assassin over to the Blackgate guards Nightwing drove off in the direction of the Clocktower. Next time Bruce would have to get someone else to drive.

+1. And it all begins again.

Tim didn’t know what was wrong with the job, the way Nightwing always complained about it he would have thought that it would have been worse.

Next to him was Stephanie Brown, Spoiler, his amazing Girlfriend from the past 7 months. The Bat had asked them to transport Poison Ivy back to Arkham as Babs and Dick were on their honeymoon.

It was all going well until the enchantress lent forwards, her head between the two of them.

“So Selina tells me that you’ve been dating….”

Tim groaned.

_ This must be what Dick was talking about. _

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any requests feel free to comment below!


End file.
